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“All Her Favorite Fruit” – Camper Van Beethoven (tab)

album-key-lime-pieHere’s what may be my favorite all-time song, based not so much on what I revere the most right now but more on what song I’ve listened to more than any other. The chords for this have been online longer than you have, probably, thanks to Pittsburgh-based BBS geek John Fail, a kid I knew only through the Camper Van Beethoven listserv, whom I then I had the pleasure of meeting a few times while living in Pgh doing separate DIY projects.

Now, A new time-wasting DIY project has forced me to figure out Greg Lisher’s lead-guitar part for the song, which I’ve posted here. It’s not perfect, but it’ll pass muster if your audience consists mostly of those friends of yours shocked that you can even tune a guitar much less play one.
Continue reading “All Her Favorite Fruit” – Camper Van Beethoven (tab)

“World of Pauline Lewis” – Television Personalities (tab)

Tv-personalities-kids-dont-albumThis is a song from a mix my pal Steve made me. Everyone should want such a friend—I’d never even heard of Television Personalities (’80s-era British post-punk) and now they may be one of my favorites. On looking them up on the Internet, turns out this song’s lyrics are a pretty trite “Eleanor-Rigby” retread. All the same: great. This song sounds best with barre chords.
Continue reading “World of Pauline Lewis” – Television Personalities (tab)

Recent Book Roundup

I. Phillip Pullman’s The Amber Spyglass
First, the significance of the titular object in this book is unclear, compared to the total mind-blowing weight of the Golden Compass and the Subtle Knife in the first two books. So this object enables the woman who is meant, in theory, to be the serpent of this revisionistic Eden to see Dust? Does she ever actually do anything with it, though? The one thing this book has going for it is its perfect example of what an anticlimax is: the death of The Authority, a.k.a God. Do, do, do read the first two books of this trilogy, but try yer hardest not to read book three. It’s a let-down.
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NYC Roundup, an Unordered List

  • penelopeSpent four days at the AMNH archives squinting at the atrocious scribbles of Clarance Ethan and Mary L. Jobe Akeley, where I found that these two (she was his second wife) were probably living together while Carl was still married. Then I found out that Penelope Bodry-Sanders (right) already had this info in her biography. Not that it’s a competition.
  • drank Manhattans at Barracuda, where they played X and some other surprises.
  • had a bit of a West Village gay bar tour with D & N, where my Official Non-Pick-Up Pick-Up Line was “Hi! I’m from out of town.” (It works.)
  • saw BODIES … The Exhibition, which was overpriced ($28!!) and not, turns out, the original Gunther von Hagens exhibition, which is called Körperwelten. This one, the one at the South Street Seaport, has a sign with this impressively vague language:

    This exhibit displays full body cadavers as well as human body parts, organs, fetuses and embryos that come from cadavers of Chinese citizens or residents. With respect to the human parts, organs, fetuses and embryos you are viewing, Premier relies solely on the representations of its Chinese partners and cannot independently verify that they do not belong to persons executed while incarcerated in Chinese prisons.

  • stared at the plasticized brains and tumors (and worse) of executed Chinese prisoners.
  • dumplingate eight friend dumplings at the Dumpling House (right) on the Lower East Side/Chinatown, which dumplings cost $2 total.
  • visited the Tenement Museum nearby, where we had Jeffrey (Jonathan?) as a tour guide, and if you go ask for him by name, because he is very good, despite his affected bowtie.
  • sat in a cab while Heather gave step-by-step phone-GPS directions to some house in Queens where Mathias gave a reading (with Lily Brown and Joshua Marie Wilkinson) that started off silly and great and then ended sudden and heartbreaking—a masterful move.
  • got stood up by an unnamed taxidermist with delusions of grandeur who will forever remain unnamed.
  • had a couple high-octane beers with Natalie Stevens, who takes fur scraps, makes new animals out of them, and photographs them in the wild—very cool stuff.
  • petted a cat and didn’t sneeze.
  • took more photographs of a cat than anyone really should ever take, which seems to be the norm when one lives with a cat.
  • hipsterssat on a Sunday for an hour in McCarren Park (pictured, right) with Steve and ate sandwiches and counted fedoras—they averaged one on every tenth head.
  • walked north on Fifth Avenue past the relentlessly paused NYC Pride parade, which had a decided lack of drag queens, I felt, as an out-of-towner.
  • applauded, pretty sure, at/during the Mazda of Lodi (N.J.) um … float?
  • spent far too long on a Tuesday night standing in the vicinity of a scandalous photograph (made, it seemed, of a bunch of 8.5 ” x 11″ pages taped/stapled together) inside a bear bar called “Nowhere” where they also played X, among other bands, and realized there’s something going among NYC gay men and LA post-punk (new wave?), which heartens me somewhat.
  • paid $6.50 for a Yuengling.
  • paid $3 for same at aforementioned bear bar.
  • had a nice inexpensive Thai dinner in Park Slope with Nick, and regrettably didn’t get around to hanging out with him more (sorry N & A); also missed seeing Mark, again regrettably
  • got caught in a sudden freak windblown rainstorm with Amanda at a bar called the High Life on the Upper West Side, ran inside for shelter.
  • very lovely seafood dinner at the … um, Mermaid Lounge? with Lisa and Paul, in same neighborhood, where we talked mostly about books and Pittsburgh.
  • read Phillip Pullman’s The Amber Spyglass, Melissa Kwasny’s Reading Novalis in Montana, Junot Diaz’s The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, Dustin Long’s Icelander, two-sevenths of Umberto Eco’s The Name of the Rose, and John Cheever’s Oh What a Paradise It Seems! (book roundup to come).
  • Made it home okay. Hello!

The Big Read

Is your community participating in The Big Read, an initiative by the National Endowment for the Arts “to revitalize the role of literature in American popular culture and bring the transformative power of literature into the lives of its citizens.” Lincoln, Neb., doesn’t seem to be, though we also have One Book, One Lincoln going on (five books are right now under consideration for 2009, one of which is Eggers’s great What is the What), and, I think, “Nebraska Reads” which I just won’t bother linking to for no reason.
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In Which This Web Site Becomes A Tired Exercise in My Arguing Sincerely about Certain Bits of Writing I Come Across Which Any Passing Comment Could Expose as Tongue-in-Cheek and thus Undeserving of Being Taken as Seriously as I Insist on Taking Them

Everyone knows allegorical readings of anything written after 1500 are dull and limiting. They do the opposite of what reading is all about doing, which is to answer questions about a text with further questions, and with mental and associative play. Allegorical readings try to answer every question and they can’t help but look foolish in the attempt. As in:
Continue reading In Which This Web Site Becomes A Tired Exercise in My Arguing Sincerely about Certain Bits of Writing I Come Across Which Any Passing Comment Could Expose as Tongue-in-Cheek and thus Undeserving of Being Taken as Seriously as I Insist on Taking Them

The Joys of New York

For the last fifteen minutes, someone has been double-parked in what might a BMW outside with all windows and the sunroof open, playing top 40 hip-hop radio more loudly than I thought cars could. Just, like, so loud.

Were I an echt New Yorker and not some idiot housesitting for 10 days, I would have shouted “Turn it down ya jackass!” Instead I just stared from the three-stories-up window.

Then, just now, a nice older lady in culottes from across the street came out of her house and walked up to the car. She had a knowing smile on her face. All she did was stand next to the driver’s window and put her fingers in her ears. What else could she do, really, with all the noise.

The radio was promptly muted. I’d never get such results. Who can deny a senior citizen her quiet?

The Joys of Williamsburg (Va.)

The semiweekly newspaper is the Virginia Gazette, out Wednesdays and Saturdays. The back of each “Limelight” section includes a universally popular feature called The Last Word. It’s like a blog’s anonymous comment section but antecedent thereto. Typical posts concern unnamed restaurants with bad service, or pleas for drivers to be more careful, or such acute political commentary as: “I agree that President Obama should be impeached. I think the Senate and Congress ought to look into this.”
Continue reading The Joys of Williamsburg (Va.)

(Sloppy) Idea Roundup

Some things:

I. His Dark Materials
It’s a trilogy that turns Harry-Potter grads into atheists, have you heard? The overarc(h)ing narrative is the quest to kill God. Here’s the thing: it’s so much more godly and Christian than any other book I’ve written. Even if God dies (spoiler alert) in a terribly anticlimactic scene, all three books insist the church is a huge terrifying force that must be fought at all cost. And angels are everywhere and basically it’s all Milton all the time. Oh, look! I wrote “written” instead of read. Who the H do I think I am?

II. Bill Callahan live at the Williamsburg (Brooklyn) Music Hall
Me seeing B.C. live is like certain friends seeing Gary Lutz read, or like Flannery O’Connor at a midnight mass. This is to say I’m devoted. The man drumming had a mincing fag’s approach to slapping the heads; he drummed like Snagglepuss holding two pieces of someone else’s poo. The reason this was perfect for a Bill Callahan show is the exact sort of thing that makes preaching the B.C. gospel so difficult. I was unsatisfied by so many repeats from the 2007 show in Omaha, but satisfied overall. (Pretty please follow the above B.C. link, and then pretty please buy me that guitar of his.)

III. The audience at same
I was dissatisfied by the audience at Bill Callahan live at the Williamsburg Music Hall. Is it a New York thing, or a Brooklyn thing, or a Williamsburg thing: this self-absorbed performing for other people in the audience? One woman “woo”‘d for five long seconds at one random moment and it killed. More laffs than at a Gallagher show. She won, I guess. Hipster of the Century.

IV. Poetry
Poetry is the most self-conscious of writing forms. This is not my (sloppy) idea. I like read it in a David Citino book it’s so everyday. Poetry is also the most associative of writing forms. This can be seen as contradictory. That this contradiction exists is what makes poetry simultaneously interesting, possible, and for many many people (not me! honest!) unreadable.

V. People v. Flowers
A line from a poetry book I need to re-read: “I love flowers / more than people.” It’s a sad, shameful, defeated admission. Writers, sure, have many jobs, but foremost among them has to be to remind people that other people are worth loving. Right?

VI. A fallacious argument that still needs a sound counterargument, the finding of which will I think make me a better teacher.
Liking to read and liking English classes is like being born with or somehow developing a taste for licorice, and that some people just don’t like licorice. And for some reason the world has decided that these people can hate licorice all they want but that they damn well better have an understanding of exactly what licorice tastes like if they want to get a degree, or want to be considered educated. And so, for two semesters or so they suck it up and choke down licorice twice/thrice weekly, all the while keeping their eyes on this lovely licorice-free prize they’ll enjoy as soon as they’re done with school.

VII. A possible counterargument I don’t really want to have to use.
Not enjoying English classes because there are no definite single answers (like, say, in most other academic courses) is like not enjoying beer because it tends to make one drunk.

VIII. Joanna Newsom may be precious, young, and may have left B.C. for Andy F-ing Samberg, but she’s incredibly talented and her first album remains great top to bottom, inclusive of the following lyric I finally paid attention to just yesterday on a nine-hour train trip from Williamsburg, Brooklyn, to Williamsburg, Virginia.
“Never get so attached to a poem you forget truth that lacks lyricism.”

Here’s a Dirty/Fun Prank to Pull

1. Break into our home while we’re gone. A friend of mine has a key.

2. Tear out the tree on the back patio, tear down the fence (it’s half falling down anyway), and expand the brick about five feet in both directions.

3. Center the table we have, or chuck it out and get an old weathered picnic-bench-type thing.

4. Hang this over it:img_0520

img_0521

You’d be my best friend.

“Cato as a Pun” – Of Montreal (tab)

of_montreal_hissing_fauna__are_you_the_destroyer__polyvinylUPDATE: Yer probably better off headed here

This one wasn’t online for some reason. A capo helped me out. Feel free to play braggingly without one. Oh, and while I can’t hear anything wrong with the first D chord in the intro/chorus, it feels as though the song’s doing something other than alternating between two chords. I’m open to suggestions.

Continue reading “Cato as a Pun” – Of Montreal (tab)

Times' New Fiction Series (& a Novella Collection)

07johnsonlargeIt’s called “Summer Thrillers” and I think it just launched today. Maybe last week. For about a year now I’ve paid for (at a reduced introductory rate that lasted 13 weeks, at which time I had to call the Times up to pretend to cancel my subscription so that they’d offer me the reduce rate again) the Sunday Times, but now I don’t anymore because they no longer offer the introductory rate. Today’s first page has a box in the lower-left corner:

To Our Readers
Starting today, the news-
stand price of the Sunday
Times is $6.00

Strange behavior for a dying medium. But for some reason the Times came today (paper delivery person, if you read this, and have just been mistakenly dropping a paper off, please continue said mistake), and I’m still in the midst of enjoying it.

The Magazine used to publish serialized pulp fiction, and I was a fan. This practice stopped earlier this year, but now they’ve got fiction in the Week in Review section, of all places. Back with the op-eds. Online readers can find the first (?) installment here.

The story, “Guy Walks into a Bar”, by Lee Child, about a retired military cop who tries to be hero in a Bleecker Street bar, is maybe light on thrills and even lighter on language. (“More Russians, probably. Operators, no question. Connected, no doubt. Probably not the best the world has ever seen, but probably not the worst, either.”) I guess this is suited to the form: fiction on an op-ed page. I guess one way to keep people moving briskly through your prose is to stick faithfully to a clear causality of subjects verbing objects.

But the news is good. Fiction in newspapers! Here’s hoping future installments are a bit less by-the-numbers.

UPDATE: Oh and if fiction in newspapers is a delight, did you know novellas are getting published in book form now, too? Josh Weil is a fellow alum, a nice guy who stayed right down the hall from me last summer, and told us about his book of novellas that Grove Press took. I thought, Novellas? Surely not. Everyone says those aren’t publishable..

Not only publishable, but readable. Anthony Doerr’s got a kind, glowing review in today’s Times.

Today’s Brain Stumper (II)

Q: How did Jeanne Tripplehorn become famous?

A (with spoilers): In 1967, Jeanne Tripplehorn was swinging on the swings at a playground in Rancho Cucamonga drinking a YooHoo when a casting agent walked by looking for a strategic place to park the stroller that held his infant son, the better to hit on the vicinity’s single and/or interested mothers. She drank her YooHoo without a straw and yet didn’t spill an ounce on her bright pink T. “You sure are enjoying that chocolate bottled drink beverage,” he said, getting gravel in his espadrilles.

Jeanne Tripplehorn pumped with her pale, fauny legs and said, “Yeah.”

jeanne

“What’s your name, little-girl-on-the-swings?”

Jeanne Tripplehorn said, “Jeanne Tripplehorn. Like a unicorn, but three times better.”
Continue reading Today’s Brain Stumper (II)

Today’s Brain Stumper

Q: Why was The Curious Case of Benjamin Button so dull?

A (with spoilers): I can’t quite figure it out. It has to have had something to do with B.B.’s growing younger and not older, and that like while we know it won’t be easy for him, it makes his life get progressively easier, right? So any hardships along the way can just be waited out until he gets healthier and better looking?
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Taxidermy Lessons I

A few things I learned from a hunter and a taxidermist today.

African porcupines are much gnarlier than their New World counterparts.
African porcupines are much gnarlier than their New World counterparts.

Their skulls, though, are about the same. Eyeless, like.
Their skulls, though, are about the same. Eyeless, like.

A musk ox is a beautiful animal.
A musk ox is a beautiful animal.

Go ahead and kick the head off a manikin lying on the floor. You can always reattach it.
Go ahead and kick the head off a manikin lying on the floor. You can always reattach it.

Turkey heads can cost $80 each to freeze-dry. Then there's painting.
Turkey heads can cost $80 each to freeze-dry. Then there's painting.

These belong to a not-impossible number of deer to mount between seasons.
These belong to a not-impossible number of deer to mount between seasons.