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The “This One’s Got a Little Guy In It” TAA Fall Tour

That’s not official, that name, but I’m taking my show on the road this fall. Won’t you come see me, or tell your friends and family in these towns to see me?

Wed. Oct 5
radiowest.com
hourlong interview with host Doug Fabrizio (may be a call-in show)
1pm EST

Mon. Oct. 24
Pittsburgh
Copacetic Comics Co
3138 Dobson (Polish Hill)
6pm

Thu. Oct. 27
Washington, DC
826DC
3233 14th St. NW
6:30pm

Sat. Oct. 29
Williamsburg, VA
Books-A-Million
1254 Richmond Rd
11am-3pm (reading at 1pm)

Wed. Nov. 9
Tuscaloosa
University of Alabama
Hoole Special Collections Library
5pm

Fri. Nov. 11
Houston
Brazos Bookstore
2421 Bissonnet
7pm

Mon. Nov. 21
Saginaw Valley State University (with Julie Iromuanya)
University Center, MI
6pm

More to come, hopefully. More, also, in the Winter/Spring. Stay tuned.

Does Susan Orlean Hate Memoirs/Memoirists?

(No.)

(Playing at magazine-cover headlines. Playing a game called “Be The Atlantic Monthly”.)

In the current (Summer [?!?] 2011) issue of Creative Nonfiction, Gutkind chats with Susan Orlean in a sushi restaurant in Greenwich Village, because why not do this? Here’s what she has to say about memoirs, the indisputable bread-and-butter of the CNF empire:

[A] lot of the people whom I teach don’t appreciate the idea of paying dues and starting small and making themselves useful. I think they picture themselves writing their memoirs, and they don’t even seem to walk logically through the idea: Why would someone want to run a 20,000-word piece of a memoir by a 22-year-old? They don’t seem as interested in the world around them as they are in themselves, and as a result, I don’t think they see how they can be useful as reporters. I do think the whole memoir mania has had a certain effect on that. People 20 years ago might have thought, “I want to write nonfiction, so I’ve got to learn about the world,” and now they’re thinking, “I really want to write nonfiction, and my memoir will be called….” Nobody I knew thought about writing a memoir when I was getting started. No one…. There was nothing appealing about it, even…. What people thought was, “If I get to be a writer, I’ll get to go to cool places and see cool things,” not, “I’ll get to detail how my boyfriend and I broke up.” When that’s what you’re writing about, I think what you’re doing is thinking someone will discover the wonderfulness of this thing you’ve written rather than thinking, “I’m part of an industry of learning and talking and communicating and writing; how can I find my way in that industry?” It’s a very different perspective.

Continue reading Does Susan Orlean Hate Memoirs/Memoirists?

Very Good Paragraphs

Two of them, this time. Pretend there’s no paragraph break. From Adam Gopnik’s review of declinist literature in the 12 September 2011 New Yorker:

Despite their title [of That Used to Be Us], the authors [Thomas Friedman and Michael Mandelbaum] seem, for instance, determined to avoid the obvious point that one American who shares their outlook and ambitions in almost every detail—who hates partisan wrangling, doubts the wisdom of big foreign wars, proposes a faith in a brisk mixture of private enterprise and public guarantees, accepts the priority of rebuilding our infrastructure—is the President of the United States. If he’s been frustrated, it’s not because of some vague “systemic” political paralysis. It’s because, as he has been startled to discover … there is another side, inexorably opposed to these apparently good things. The reason we don’t have beautiful new airports and efficient bullet trains is not that we have inadvertently stumbled upon stumbling blocks; it’s that there are considerable numbers of Americans for whom these things are simply symbols of a feared central government, and who would, when they travel, rather sweat in squalor than surrender the money to build a better terminal. They hate fast trains and efficient airports for the same reason that seventeenth-century Protestant hates the beautiful Baroque churches of Rome when they saw them: they were luxurious symbols of an earthly power they despised. Friedman and Mandelbaum wring their hands at “our” unwillingness to sacrifice our comforts on behalf of our principles, but Americans are perfectly willing to sacrifice their comforts for their ideological convictions. We don’t have a better infrastructure or decent elementary education exactly because many people are willing to sacrifice faster movement between our great cities, or better informed children, in support of their belief that the government should always be given as little money as possible.

The reasons for these feelings are, of course, complex, with a noble reason descending from the Revolutionary War, and its insistence on liberty at all costs, and an ignoble one descending from the Civil War and its creation of a permanent class of white men convinced that they are besieged by an underclass they regard as the subsidized wards of the federal government. (Thus the curious belief that a worldwide real-estate crisis that his the north of Spain and the east of Ireland as hard as the coast of Florida was the fault of money loaned by Washington to black people.) But the crucial point is that this is the result of an active choice, not passive indifference: people who don’t want high-speed rail are not just indifferent to fast trains. They are offended by fast trains, as the New York Post is offended by bike lanes and open-air plazas: these things give too much pleasure to those they hate. They would rather have exhaust and noise and traffic jams, if such things sufficiently annoy liberals. Annoying liberals is a pleasure well worth paying for. As a recent study in the social sciences shows [PDF], if energy use in a household is monitored so that you can watch yourself saving money every month by using less, self-identified conservatives will actually use and spend more, apparently as a way of showing their scorn for liberal pieties…. The kind of outlook that Friedman and Mandelbaum assume is somehow natural to mankind and has been thwarted here recently—a broad-minded view of maximizing future utility—has, from a historical perspective, a constituency so small as to be essentially nonexistent. In the long story of civilization, the moments when improving your lot beats out annoying your neighbor are vanishingly rare.

Loving the Dictionary, Part 3

Doing some research on flowers, I found this: “The Marigold is emblematical of pain; place it on the head and it signifies trouble of mind; on the heart, the pangs of love; on the bosom, the disgusts of ennui.”

How the heart is differentiated from the bosom is nothing I can figure out. Is it left breast = heart, right breast= bosom? For help I went to the dictionary, which didn’t help.

But look here!

• (the bosom of) the loving care and protection of: Bruno went home each night to the bosom of his family | the town has taken the gay community to its bosom.

I hope not literally.

Because I Want to Go Weighing In on MFA Rankings

I mean: everyone else is doing it. For those unfamiliar with the hubbub: Poets & Writers magazine released, once again, its poorly conceived rankings of MFA programs in creative writing. These have made everyone angry—everyone except P&W (which is without questions selling a shitload of issues with this) and Seth Abramson, the lawyer/poet/blogger behind these rankings. Hoostown’s got a good roundup of the issues.

Who else isn’t angry about the rankings? Me. I love them. Look here (PDF file). At the beginning of the 2010-2011 school year, the University of Alabama was ranked 18th among schools for its nonfiction track. Then I got a job there teaching nonfiction. Today (another PDF), the University of Alabama is ranked 14th among schools for its nonfiction track.

That’s 4 whole points in just one year of teaching/advising excellence.

What’s it show? I think I’m something of a juggernaut!

Pop Quiz: The Authentic Animal, Chapter 7

Please answer the following questions on a separate sheet of paper and turn this sheet and your answers back in to the instructor when you have completed the quiz.

1. What was the name of the murderer and grave robber from Plainfield, Wisconsin who decorated his house with human body parts?
A. Norman Bates
B. Robert Bloch
C. Edward Gein
D. Buffalo Bill
E. Thomas Harris

2. Who is perhaps the most famous “victim” of human preservation? (Hint: he brought about the rise of communism in Russia).
A. Josef Stalin
B. Ed Gein
C. Karl Marx
D. Vladimir Lenin
E. Gunther von Hagens

3. What group of human beings was likely used in Bodies . . . The Exhibition?
A. Executed Chinese prisoners
B. Volunteers from around the world
C. Victims of cancer
D. Individuals who died in auto fatalities

4. Who is the author of Animal Liberation? (Hint: It is referred to in The Authentic Animal as the PETA bible).
A. Carl Ackeley [sic]
B. Peter Singer
C. John Harvey Kellogg
D. Mary Jobe Akeley

5. What name did Carl Akeley give to the orphaned gorilla that one of his guides speared after he shot its mother?

Clarence.

[From my pal Cody Lumpkin’s fall 2011 1st-year writing class at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.]

Inspirations in an Uninspired Time

I.
Two Fridays ago I got four wisdom teeth removed (this just two days after an artificial tooth I’ve always had fell out) and it essentially wiped a week out of my life. I mean I was alive and awake, but I spent it on a sofa in pain or a haze. I taught two classes somehow!

I’m coming out of it. A short-story collection, If You Need Me I’ll Be Over There, is overdue to my agent. It’s my own deadline. I’m not even sure she’s aware the thing exists.

The essay is a form that makes so much sense to me I don’t even think much about it. It’s to walking what the short story is to the quadrille. A writing-school grad is told and demonstrated more than perhaps is useful that the short story is a perfectable form. It is old enough and it has been taught and vivisected enough that everyone seems to know what to expect when confronted with one. And yet a short story that does properly what it’s supposed to isn’t anything anybody wants to read.

II.
A thing was posted on writing-blog HTMLGIANT today titled “Art’s a Fucking Mess”. That’s its argument; more explicitly it’s that good art disrupts the social order. See the animated GIF posted over there. I was the sort of kid who got paid for A’s and grounded for C’s. Being “good” to me is tied, I’m coming to realize, way too closely to being right. Or no: being proper. I like models a lot. A lot.

III.
I read a “bad” “review” today about my book. Quotes around the second word because it was an Amazon customer review, which tend not to be reviews so much as personal reactions. Quotes around the first word because the nature of the review makes whether it’s bad or not up for debate. Also a good friend of mine while overall liking a story I sent him for feedback pointed out today lots of specific problems with it, all of which are spot on. And so I’ve got some choices to make. What’s an artistic mess, and what’s hack work?

IV.
Here’s a line from Schnabel’s Basquiat that came to mind today, spoken by Michael Wincott’s Rene Ricard character:

When I speak, no one believes me. When I write it down, people know it’s true.

It’s delivered masterfully, at a moment when the power dynamic between Basquiat and this queer critic who discovered him is starting to shift. Schnabel’s not a critic. We know who we’re supposed to side with here. I’ve always wanted to be Rene Ricard.

V.
Rene Ricard’s a poet now. He lives in obscurity.

Movie of the Year

These days I like premature pronouncements. Steelers win the Super Bowl.

The Trip came to Tuscaloosa tonight (and only tonight, is how art-house flicks work down here). An improvised drama about Steve Coogan going through the north of England touring nice restaurants and taking Rob Brydon with him. I’d never heard of him either, but apparently he’s what’s known in the UK as a television presenter.

Foremost, though, he’s an impressionist. He does Pacino, Burton, Hoffman, Connery, Woody Allen. The hits. But like also he can do Billy Connolly, which to me is nothing short of incredible.

Normally, a man standing on a stage and positing premises voiced by idiosyncratic celebs is often just the sort of thing that makes me want to stab venom into my eyeballs. Right? I know I’m not alone on this. It’s the contrived nature of the impression. The belabored setups, the exemption from context. The Trip knows this, too, and it does smart, subtle work of showing the way Brydon’s impressions pain everyone in their vicinity.

See especially Coogan’s mother near the film’s end. If she’s an actress her eyes deserve their own BAFTAs.

How The Trip turns impressions from agony into delight is by making them some kind of contest between Brydon and Coogan. You probably saw the Michael Caine clip that everyone posted on Facebook earlier this year, and while that scene is one of the best, it’s not the only such moment in the movie. Endlessly, these two are trying to one-up each other with certain voices, and with such quick back-and-forth it becomes narcotic. I’d spend another $7 to watch these two try to out-impress one another for two hours.

I know it’s not enough to say there’s something transformative about a well done impression. But with the impression’s transformative power The Trip finds much fun to be had. Just see the movie. Not necessarily for the accuracy of the impressions, but for the joy in them. The joy of other people.

Quick Updates

The absence from posting for two weeks has mostly to do with the beginning of the semester and the ever-nearing end of my story collection’s revision process. Several days ago I was going to quote a nonfiction craft text and talk self-righteously about what made me angry about it, but I’ve got this new blowhard complex I’m trying to work on.

1.
I read a bit from chapter four of The Authentic Animal as part of InDigest’s InDefinite Podcast. For silly superstitious reasons I really wished I could have been episode 22, but overall I’m glad to have been a part of it. They have an impressive lineup. Michael Kimball, Deb Olin Unferth, and my man Dave Mullins. The excerpt I read covers the World Taxidermy Championship’s trade show, and includes some animal urine.

2. I’m also trying to endorse more products on this blog, for absolutely no reason other than increased and diversified content. The davemadden.org Board of Directors had me up for a meeting, see. It’s out of my hands. Now: I don’t historically enjoy ginger ale. I was fed ginger ale when I was sick as a kid and so drinking ginger ale makes me feel nauseous, and all I want to do is lie in my parents’ bed where the cable is and watch Pinwheel and Today’s Special. But then I tasted Buffalo Rock Diet Ginger Ale, and it burnt my nose and throat and made me think some major gastric distress was about to befell me. But then in the end I felt a little better, in the stomach area and elsewhere. Did you know ginger ales have spice levels? This is spicy ginger ale. It’s not so much enjoyable to drink as it is confusingly important and healthful to have made your way through. It’s the finally reading Ulysses of ginger ales. Alabamians can find it at most grocery stores (Wal-Mart for certain). Others can order expensive cases through the Web site.

Very Good Paragraphs—but Is My Blog Getting Kinda Blowhardy?

“‘Getting kind of’?” (This is you talking back at me.) “Try ‘always has been’.”

I know, right? It’s like an advertisement for my own dull self-importance. I should spend more time dishing, or endorsing products and various artworks. But I consume artworks years after the Internet does, because I am cheap. Did you see Source Code? It was kind of great. Also: D’Agata’s About a Mountain.

At any rate, this is from September’s Harper’s, specifically Garret Keizer’s cover story on teaching (all of which is incredibly great, to the point that I may actually sit down and dorkily write Mr. Keizer a letter telling him so):

One of the more remarkable and, I think, telling things about the teaching trade is the number of people who need to believe that you love it. Ever since leaving the classroom in the mid-Nineties and throughout the past year I found people asking if I missed teaching or had plans to take it up again. They didn’t want to know; they wanted to hear me say yes. Some didn’t bother to ask. “I know the pay is not the greatest, but you’re doing what you love”—a sentiment that puts me in mind of the trope of the happy slave. In fact, our word pedagogue derives from a Greek word for a type of slave who led children to school [true! ugh!]. Jim is Huck Finn’s teacher not only in spirit but in accordance with an ancient tradition. This is not to suggest that contemporary teachers are slaves or that I was ever treated like one, only that I am inclined to distrust people who expect me to work for love, or who need a sentimental mythology to gloss over the impossibilities of my job and the daily injustices it lays bare.

It occurs to me that Robin Williams has played this mythic teacher twice. But then again he had to star in both Jack and Bicentennial Man so I guess that’s penance enough.

(Insider for teachers only [everyone else click away], a sentence from elsewhere in the piece: “I did on one or two occasions tell my students they were living in a society that values people of their age, region, and class primarily as cannon fodder, cheap labor, and gullible consumers, and that education could give them some of the weapons necessary to fight back.” Believing in this sentence’s truth makes me feel naive and now I know what faith feels like.)

Hasty Notions on the Latest GOP Gay-Sex Scandal

I’m torn about my stance on the latest anti-marriage-rights GOP man to solicit sex from a younger man. His name is Phillip Hinkle, and he’s a state senator in Indiana, and, according to the Fort Wayne Journal Gazette, he “voted this year in favor of a state constitutional amendment defining marriage as being only between one man and one woman.”

Folks will probably start calling this guy a hypocrite, but I’m not sure he is. He’s an asshole, that much is certain, but look here (all info from Wikipedia, sorry):

  • Larry Craig — former Republican politician from Idaho, served 18 years in the U.S. Senate, preceded by 10 years in the U.S. House. Arrested for lewd conduct in the men’s restroom at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport on June 11, 2007.
  • Ted Haggard — leader of the National Association of Evangelicals (NAE) from 2003 until November 2006—the same three-year span that he paid escort and masseur Mike Jones for sex.
  • Mark Foley — former representative of the 16th District of Florida as a member of the Republican Party. Foley resigned from Congress on September 29, 2006 after allegations surfaced that he had sent suggestive emails and sexually explicit instant messages to teenage men who had formerly served and were at that time serving as Congressional pages.
  • Bob Allen — former Republican member of the Florida House of Representatives from 2000 until 2007. He made headlines in 2007 after being arrested for offering $20 for the opportunity to perform fellatio on an undercover male police officer. in the restroom of a public park.
  • Glenn Murphy Jr. — former chairman of the Young Republican National Federation. Caught performing oral sex on a man who was asleep while the act took place (via The Advocate).
  • Ed Schrock — former Republican politician who served as a member of the U.S. House of Representatives from January 2001 to January 2005, representing the Second Congressional District of Virginia. Caught on tape soliciting sex from a male prostitute.
  • UPDATE: Roberto Arango — just-resigned GOP member of Puerto Rico’s senate, who posted naked pics of himself on all-gay iPhone hookup app Grindr

It should go without saying that most of these men voted against gay-rights legislation whenever it came up.
Continue reading Hasty Notions on the Latest GOP Gay-Sex Scandal

Very Good Paragraphs

From Mike Hale’s review of “Friends with Benefits”—not the movie everyone’s heard of, but the Friday-evening NBC sitcom that just premiered and has a shelf life of most leafy greens (my emphasis):

Focusing on a five-member ensemble — three bumbling, grating men and the two attractive, relentlessly energetic, sexually pliable women, who mysteriously choose to hang out and hook up with them — it combines a single-camera, mildly absurdist style and raunchy humor with stock sitcom situations. It’s the kind of show in which a lamely suggestive joke about a vajazzled woman — one with a bejeweled genital area — giving birth (“The kid came out looking like a disco ball!”) is followed by reaction shots of everyone in the scene laughing. That’s what you do when you’re too cool for a laugh track but too insecure to let the jokes speak for themselves.

Let me never see this show.

Dane Cook on Louie

Fanboy time. Advance apologies.

Did you watch? Look, if you aren’t watching Louie on FX every Thursday night then you’re a person who doesn’t like TV. That’s fine for you. Some of my best friends don’t like TV. The rest of us, however, get this show—which, as I’ve tiringly blogged before, is the most honest sitcom on TV now. It’s like the opposite of 30 Rock—so fanciful and filled with hyperbole—and but just as good.

Like in this week’s episode, where Louis, needing to score Gaga tickets for his daughter, finds himself backstage with Gaga’s friend Dane Cook before one of the latter’s shows. Standup nerds know this to be an encounter as butt-clenchingly tense as the one Louis had with the teen bully last season. For years now there’s been this accusation that Cook stole three of CK’s jokes in his Retaliation album (details here), and rather than write around this tension (or, say, cast someone else), Louis CK opted to write directly into it.
Continue reading Dane Cook on Louie

Very Bad Paragraphs, or What I’m Coming to See as a Fundamental Incomprehension regarding Structure in Nonfiction

From Robert Root?s chiefly problematic The Nonfictionist?s Guide (the title of which I greatly admire):

Contemporary creative nonfiction abounds and examples of idiosyncratic experimental forms. Some, like Nancy Willard?s ?The Friendship Tarot? or John McPhee?s ?The Search for Marvin Gardens,? are so distinctive and individual that they are unlikely to lead directly to anyone else?s work. What are the chances another essayist will find it appropriate to invent a tarot deck and imagine a reading in order to tell the story of a friendship, as Willard does? What are the odds of another essayist needing to alternate between a board game and tour of the city it?s based on, as McPhee does between ?Monopoly? and Atlantic City?

The writing here is so emphatically sure of itself and so wrong in its understanding that my reflex is to get all sarcastic here, but I’ll refrain. I don’t know Willard’s essay (though now I want to find it and read it), but I know McPhee’s well, as do most NF folks. To characterize its structure the way Root does here is akin to asking why a painter would ever use both orange and yellow after Rothko did it in Orange and Yellow.

In other words, he’s mistaking structural form with the content it helps wrangle.
Continue reading Very Bad Paragraphs, or What I’m Coming to See as a Fundamental Incomprehension regarding Structure in Nonfiction

Very Good Paragraphs

A quick one, from George Saunders’s “Home”, printed in this year’s New Yorker Summer Fiction Issue:

That part of town was full of castles. Inside one a couple was embracing. Inside another a woman had nine million little Christmas houses out on a table, like she was taking inventory. Across the river the castles got smaller. By our part of town, the houses were like peasant huts. Inside one peasant hut were five kids standing perfectly still on the back of a couch. Then they all leapt off at once and their dogs went crazy.

A Discovery

This post is for Mac users, chiefly. And especially those Mac users who are writers. A couple years ago, I blogged about my beloved Oxford American Writer’s Thesaurus, and how it includes little bits of copy about words and their usage by writers like David Foster Wallace, Francine Prose, Zadie Smith, Simon Winchester, and the composer Stephin Merritt (among others). I bought a copy online and keep it always near my desk.

Did you know everyone already has a copy on his or her Mac?
Continue reading A Discovery

Very Good Paragraphs

From David Thomson’s “When Is a Movie Great?” from the July Harper’s:

I love Citizen Kane. I have nothing against it winning [British film magazine Sight & Sound‘s annual best-movie-ever poll] forever, if we must have a best film of all time. (And we don’t; few of us would seriously heed the call for the greatest symphony, novel, painting, building, Indian dinner, or soccer match.) But Kane isn’t a dinosaur, despite its lofty placement. Seventy years after its opening, we still feel the ways in which Orson Welles enlarged the language of film and the scope of its storytelling. Citizen Kane is a tragedy about the evanescence of meaning, and (by today’s standards) a searching inquiry into character and the nature of power in America. When some claimed that last year’s The Social Network was the “new Citizen Kane,” that was an indicator of falling standards and a valiant effort to keep movies “relevant.” The Social Network is a smart, narrow entertainment, full of spite. Citizen Kane is beautiful because it means so much, yet finds that meaning has become a lost world.

The Authentic Animal: Final Outtake

[Thanks to anyone who’s been reading these outtakes the past eight weeks. I thought I’d finish this series by posting the very first thing I wrote about taxidermy, way back in the spring of 2004. This was the beginning of an essay for a nature writing class taught by the biologist and writer John Janovy. It’s hard, exactly, to say how this became the seed of a book, but instead of going into it I thought I’d just give you the seed itself.

Again, thanks for reading and everyone’s excitement and support. If you haven’t yet done so, you can still pre-order The Authentic Animal on Amazon.com. Those of you who’ve got a copy coming already, thank you. I hope you like it.]

The east end of the fifth floor of Nebraska Hall on the University of Nebraska-Lincoln’s campus is maybe half-den, half-museum. It’s here that the tens of thousands of specimens that the university owns are kept in storage for study by students and scientists. But it’s also here that much of the Elgin Gates Collection hangs, lining the halls with animal heads in a way you may have experienced in certain nightmares. Dr. John Janovy, professor of biology, lets me in through the security door, and a bison head looms immediately to our left. Ahead of us is a row of oryxes, with their tall, ribbed horns and long, sad faces. There’s something peculiar about these animals, a kind of deadness that extends beyond the obvious. It’s another moment or two of staring and note-taking before I realize it’s the eyes. Instead of plastic or glass facsimiles, the eye sockets of these oryxes—all of them—have been filled with opaque, black spheres. They might be wooden, but I can’t be sure. I’m afraid to touch them. It’s like looking into a well, or a telescope with the lens cap on.
Continue reading The Authentic Animal: Final Outtake

Wallace Stegner Espouses Some Unpopular Ideas

I.
I’ve been flipping through Stegner’s On Teaching and Writing Fiction. Look at this bit:

The apprenticeship for poets is likely to be shorter than for fiction writers, because (at least in our time) poetry is essentially lyrical, which means personal, and the person is aware of himself well before he is fully aware of his entanglement in a society and a culture—the sort of entanglement out of which fiction most often arises.

Key phrase is maybe “in our time”. It’s no longer fashionable to assert that the fiction writer is concerned with the individual’s place in society, and yet you won’t be able to pick up a book from the 20th century on fictional structure and form that doesn’t assert this is the A-number-one characteristic for the novel.

Many of these texts are in my office right now. Otherwise, I’d be a good boy and quote from some to back this claim up.

At any rate, Stegner is among the first people in the U.S. (and thus the world) to get a master’s degree in creative writing. He pretty much singlehandedly began the now unimpeachable program at Stanford. And yet here’s an idea I’ve never run across, writing maturity as a factor of genre, not individual talent or ability.

II.
It gets better: Continue reading Wallace Stegner Espouses Some Unpopular Ideas