Black Warrior Review Fundraising Auction

For those of you in or near Alabama, much-esteemed literary journal Black Warrior Review, run entirely by U of A’s astoundingly great graduate students, is holding a fundraising auction on 11 November 2010. That’s right, Veteran’s Day, so be sure to schedule your holiday festivities early. The auction starts at 7pm. At a place called Little Willie’s. Let’s hope this isn’t some kind of innuendo.

Yours truly is donating his time, as below:

I, Dave Madden, though never having worked as a professional maid and never having really been known for cleanliness, am nonetheless very good at cleaning a place when my mind is set to it. If you bid on me, I agree to clean your home one afternoon or evening, on a day that works for both of us. I’ll wash dishes. I’ll scrub the kitchen and one bathroom. I’ll dust. I’ll vacuum (I’ve got a Dyson!), Swiffer, and mop your floors. I’ll do the insides of windows. I’ll make beds and fluff pillows. I won’t do any yard work—for which you’re welcome, trust me. I’d rather not tidy up a mess, seeing as how I won’t know where your clothes and items go, and I’d like not be sent into attics, crawlspaces, or anywhere likely to contain spiders. I won’t do laundry, but I’ll gladly fold laundry, unless one of us gets embarrassed. No oven-cleaning, but I’ll take on your stovetop. Other tasks negotiable. I can provide cleaning products, unless yours are better.

I’ll happily listen while you tell me about your day, or about your dreams, or about the foods you like best, or I can also just plug in to my iPod and keep quiet while you read. But I won’t wear, like, an outfit.

I mean, let’s be civil.

Not sure whether bids can be made remotely, but I can ask around. If you are in town, please stop by. There’ll be lots of more-satisfying things to bid on, I’ve been told.

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